I cry because I miss the feel of arms wrapped around me as I fall asleep. Sometimes, divorced or not, I can be petty and pissy. I cry because I’m lonely, and frustrated, and I’m not quite sure how my life ended up like this. In fairness, he did pay me back for the flowers. Nobody to pick out gifts that the kids can put their names on. Later that night I did get the message–after a day of stewing, no less–and found a greeting card and a gift certificate to my favorite massage place inside. When you’re divorced, and live alone with little children like I do, there’s nobody to take the burden off. texts, and my teen-like neediness made me sick. Last weekend was my birthday and I already got into a text and email war with my ex-husband about that american sex datin. My ex responded to these texts defensively, with no acknowledgement of my feelings american sex datin. The phone blocking move was an attempt to save myself from me. I’m pretty sure I was checking my phone every three minutes to see if I’d gotten any Happy Mother’s Day. ” Those words broke my already broken heart. I wanted an apology, a reason, a realization. I fired back, he got mad, and then demanded that I apologize for hurting his feelings.
I realize Mother’s Day is a Hallmark Holiday, and made up, but I still care. It’s not surprising, then, that I get stuck with most familial duties. In an infantile move, I blocked texts from him for a few hours to disconnect. Parenting after divorce, or being a single mom, is hard. If you’re a lucky mother, who arranges the nice stuff for you. Being a single mom is exhausting, and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. The Mexican takeout ended up being my treat to me. I told my mom I’d bring lemonade and sandwiches to the park. I wanted him to wake up and not be so distant, cold, and uncaring. After I tucked him in and turned out the light, I sent an email with “I” statements (hurt, sad, etc. But, as in the rest of my divorced life, I will have to figure tomorrow out alone. In short, I was upset that he did not wish me a happy birthday when he saw me at our kid exchange, and hurt that he didn’t help the kids buy me a present. However, I ended up missing a text from my ex wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, and telling me to go look for a card in my mailbox. Last year, my first as a fully divorced woman and my second since my ex-husband moved out, I was upset that my ex hadn’t done anything or even mentioned Mother’s Day. Being a divorced woman, there’s no husband to roll my eyes at, or to gently suggest that since it’s Mother’s Day he might make all the sandwiches.
I thought tomorrow, of all days, would be my day to have sandwiches made for me. I knew my soon-to-be-ex-husband wouldn’t lift a finger, so I did exactly what I wanted. I’m still pretty upset about the way that went... The father of your children, your husband who lives with you and gets your subtle (or not so subtle) hints about special treatment. I bought flowers to plant and dinner takeout from my favorite Mexican place, because, hey, mom shouldn’t have to cook on Mother’s Day, right. Today, my own mother informed me that my brother and his two children are joining us, and that I should make enough food for everyone. I was trying to let it go until I tucked Big Brother in that night and, as per our nightly ritual, I remarked that I was thankful I got to spend my birthday with him. Why I expect more after all of these years says something about my need for more therapy. Mother’s Day might be another time I work myself to the bone during the day and then cry myself to sleep. Tonight, I mowed my lawn in the dark, because that’s when I had time. On Mother’s Day I’m required to feed my brother and his family, too. I have not blocked his number since, although I do turn off my phone sometimes to keep from checking Facebook like a maniac. Yet another reminder that it’s a party of one in my house. ..